They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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