Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
