I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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