6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
