Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
