How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
