I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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