He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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