I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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