Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Randomize
