note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize