Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
