You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
