you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
