i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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