Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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