if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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