ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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