I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
