Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
