I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
