I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
