I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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