Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
