Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
