It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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