nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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