The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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