he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
