is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
