Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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