just tell him i said nine months
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
