I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The adults are the big ones right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
