He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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