Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
