We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
