Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
