Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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