he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it's not cheating when I paid for it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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