i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
