i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
