dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
