he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
