I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
