I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
