I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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