I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
