and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
