If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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