Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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