I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
