Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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