I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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