Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she peed on how many people?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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